Marriage = Equality 9-7-21

FROM 9-7-21

What does equality mean to you? 

When Jason and I got married I was only 18 years old; he was 23. He had been paying bills on his own, had his own vehicle that he paid insurance on, and was already saving for his big screen tv. I was coming from an abused household. Sometimes, even though the physical had stopped, the emotional and mental continued to happen. It was hard for me to find myself. Jason was used to doing the bill on his own and  he liked the house cleaned a certain way. Who was I to get in his way? Needless to say, over 24 years later, that was the biggest mistake of my life! I should have gotten in his way. I should have made him teach me how to do the finances, how to clean the way he did, or him be ok with how I cleaned. Because now, now we have two separate human beings who love each other, but also don't like each other. Well, to an extent. We both know our love is there, we both know we came from different backgrounds, but learning through the gospel is the only way to fix "us". When reading through chapter 4 of the book, "Successful Marriages and Families: Proclamation Principles and Research Perspectives, I found this quote by Elder B Wirthlin, "...it is time to work on a personal definition of equal that eschews both intimations of identity or hierarchy. One gender does not have greater eternal possibility than the other." I often thought, was I putting my husband above me? He does so much and is so important to our family, he is above us, he does things above us. But that's not what Heavenly Father wants. He wants equality in the home. For years I've been the scared, quiet, little girl in the corner afraid to come out in fear of being beaten for showing up (or more likely, "standing up"). Was I talking back to my husband or was I allowing him to be the patriarch of our home? Was I allowing him to be controlling or was I being the obedient wife? Wow. There is a lot for me to learn, and apparently, him too! My husband thought he was doing what was best for all of us! Taking it all on his shoulders to be the man of the house. But at the end of the day he was tired, he was bent, he was physically exhausted from taking care of us. And he couldn't allow us to see what it was doing to him. 

When continuing through this chapter I've learned a lot about partnerships and being equal. Being equal doesn't mean we both do the dishes every night. Being equal to me, means communicating with your spouse. Learn to know what works and what doesn't. If I hate to do the dishes, then maybe make an agreement with me, I'll load the dishwasher if you would unload it when it's done. It's working together that makes us equal. (This is just an example. I really don't mind doing the dishes...now.) 

To be continued...

I'm Back, and Still in College, Eternal Family 8-23-21

FROM 8-23-21

I'm back, and yep, still going to school! I have earned my Associates Degree and am now working towards my Bachelor's Degree. I am close to my goal yet still so much to do. 

I'm taking another class regarding The Family: A Proclamation To The World (click here to view). This document explains so much of our church beliefs. If you ever get a chance to read it I would highly recommend it! 

So, the book we are studying along with the Proclamation is called "Successful Marriages and Families: Proclamation Principles and Research Perspectives" by Alan J. Hawkins, David C. Dolahite, and Thomas W.D. We have been jumping around different chapters and at first I wasn't a fan of doing it that way. I like to read a book cover to cover, however with the lessons we're taking, it kind of flows even with the different chapters. 

The first chapter we read was 32 - The Eternal Family, and then we read chapter 34 - Sharing and Defending Family Proclamation Principles. 

In Ephesians 6:12 it reads "For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places." 

Reading this scripture makes me cringe. This talks about how much the world itself is full of temptations. If we look around what's going on right now in the world we can see just how true this scripture is. I'm glad that I have my faith to lead me in the right direction. My faith brought me to my husband. We have come a long way, and still have so much to go! But thanks to the gospel in our lives, we know we can be together for the eternity. 

When our families have difficulty, who do you turn to? J and I both have had some things come up with our own families. Learning to lean on each other while feeling low is a pretty good feeling. We can get through this thing called life together, with many more things to come. 

Continue following me for more info regarding the book "Successful Marriages and Families: Proclamation Principles and Research Perspectives". 

Well, hello again! 6-12-19

I had to make a few posts regarding my school classes. When I went to post them, I noticed there were quite a few posts that I made that I never published. So, I am posting them now. Have fun. 

FROM 6-12-2019

I was talking with my sister the other day about a problem I realized I had. You see, I’m a talker. I’ve always been a talker. My mother once gave me a book called Mr. Chatterbox. I do love to talk! The problem isn’t that I love to talk, it’s what I talk about. Naturally being a female I’ve got many emotions to deal with. Not all people like to talk about what they’re feeling. Well, that is my problem. That’s all I ever do. I talk about what’s bothering me, how it’s bothering and why it’s bothering me. I was telling my sister that for me, talking about it helps me cope with it. It helps me see other people’s opinions. It helps me realize that it’s not just me that goes through things, it’s everyone. So, if that’s the case, then why am I the only one talking about it? My sister said it makes me vulnerable. I don’t see it that way. I see it as a way for me to learn and grow. How am I to get better if I don’t know what I need to “get better” ?  If others are feeling vulnerable about their issues and don’t want to talk about it, how do I make it ok for me to do it?
     I was telling my sister I feel like that is why I don’t have a good support in friends. I can think of one really good one that has always been there for me, and doesn’t judge me for what I talk to her about. But then there’s others who learn about me and who I really am, and what I come from and they distance themselves. So why is keeping friends so hard?
     This got me thinking about social media and the “look” of how things are in real life. In 2009 I went with my husband and kids to Disneyland. We posted all sorts of fun pictures on Facebook. This could mean a few different things. 1) My family is rich and can afford expensive trips to Disneyland often, 2) We’re very happy all the time, 3) We always spend time together as a family...yet what it really means is we saved for awhile and promised the kids we would take them when the youngest was 5 years old, and we had a good time with Mickey and Goofy and the gang, but at the end of the day there was whiney, cranky children that had had enough, the budget was super tight so we bought bread, PB and jelly and some chips so we could make our own lunches, and it was a once in a lifetime thing for our kids because we were never going to do it again!
     Social media paints this portrait of picture perfect families, and people. If anyone who knew me saw the house cleaned in the background of any picture posted, they would know if was my husband who did it and not me. So why can’t we be our real selves? Why is it intimidating to be the real you? Why can’t we relax and have fun and still be able to take care of business when needed? Is that what it takes to be happy? To be able to talk about the real me and know that I won’t be judged? Because everyone else has issues just like me so why couldn’t we share? Isn’t that what we’re here for anyways? To give support to each other when we need it? Not just during the fun times, but also the challenging times as well. Let us all remember that everyone goes through something at one point or another. Just because life is good for you now, it doesn’t mean it always will be. Heavenly Father wants us to be happy, but Satan doesn’t. And when he sees that you are happy he will try his best to knock you down. Sometimes it will work, but I know that Heavenly Father doesn’t want to see me hurt. So I’m gonna do my best to get right back up and continue moving forward, whether I have a friend by my side or not. I’m gonna be the person I want to be, me, and I know Heavenly Father is pleased with me and the choices I make. Not everyone is going to like me, as much as I wish they would, but that’s ok. I will continue being the person I am, and know that I am loved.
     So, go be the person who you really are. Go be the real you and enjoy that life He gave you. Don’t worry about what others think, because deep down they’re wishing they could let it all go and enjoy themselves too. I’m glad I’m the person that I am, because somewhere, somehow, I am exactly the person that someone needs at this very moment. Thank you for allowing me to be here for you!

All my love,
“Ninivandy

Parenting 9-7-21

FROM 9-7-21

Parenting is HARD. There are tons of books out there from scholarly folks who know what they're talking about, for you to read, but not one of them is exactly right. Want to know why? Because each child is different. What works for one child won't work for another. Heavenly Father has made each of us different, and each one of us handles things differently. Take Adam and Eve's own children. They raised their children the same way right? For the most part? Well, then, why would one of them end up murdering one of their own flesh and blood? Even in the Spirit World there were issues. Even our loving Heavenly Father had trouble with His own son. Lucifer made it difficult on Heavenly Father, so why would we ever think that parenting would be all rainbows and sprinkles for us? 

We are given many examples of faithful parents in the scriptures. Oh how I wanted to be like the stripling warrior's mothers! But I remind myself that just because they speak of the bold stripling warriors at the time, it doesn't mean they never disobeyed their parents ever, either. I'm sure they had their moments too, just as every mother there ever was and will be. I will take President Joseph Smith's counsel when he said, "I teach them correct principles and they govern themselves." The chapter then goes on and says "This principle can be applied to parenting, with the recognition that the teaching must be adjusted to the developmental readiness of the child, and that teaching sometimes takes much time, even years, to fully sink in with the young (as well as the old) (Nelson, David A. chapter 11, pg. 126)."

In chapter 12 it states "Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children (Erickson, Jenet J. pg. 128)." There are many times where I second guess myself in my parenting ways. I guess this is one of the reasons why we have an equal partnership in our marriage because when our kids were younger, I was the one cleaning them up, sending them to school, getting them ready for this, and taking them to that. Now that they are older, my husband has nice talks with them, where as I am not so great at that. However, when they would stumble and fall my husband would freeze and not know what to do, but I took the reins and grabbed hold of the kid and lifted them up as best as I could do. Where one of us is weak, the other is strong. Where one of us is scared, the other one steps up. I might not be the best mom to talk to but by golly if they need to be somewhere at a certain time, as well as the other sibling only five minutes later to be somewhere else, here comes mom to the rescue. We all have our own personal traits we need to work on. Does that make me a bad mom? Or my husband a bad dad? Not at all. Even though we have our faults, we also have our strengths. 

Elder Richard G. Scott says, "Satan has unleashed a seductive campaign to undermine the sanctity of womanhood, to deceive the daughters of God and divert them from their divine destiny. He well knows women are the compassionate, self-sacrificing, loving power that binds together the human family. . . . He has convinced many of the lie that they are third-class citizens in the kingdom of God. That falsehood has led some to trade their divinely given femininity for male coarseness (chapter 12, pg. 131)." I don't even know how to follow up with that. Wow. Satan is ever powerful. But so is Heavenly Father, and according to the President Monson, "One cannot remember mother and forget God. Why? Because these two sacred persons, God and mother, partners in creation, in love, in sacrifice, in service, are as one (pg. 131)."  

Now, mothers can not be where they are without the help of fathers. Jenet J. Erickson says, "...husbands and fathers play a crucial roll in enabling mothers to be nurtured and strengthened (pg.135)."  Fathers are to preside over the family. They are "...to provide love, teach, and direct (President Ezra Taft Benson, chapter 13, pg. 141)." The Proclamation states that the father is supposed to partner with those to help nurture and teach his children. He is to partner with "...the child's mother," and to partner with "...other's in the child's life (pg 143)." The book mentions a few things for fathers to do, in order to help raise their children while supporting the mother. To be present, to provide, and to protect must be important to fathers when rearing their children in a righteous way. 

Lead Me, Guide Me

    When we become parents our emotions end up all over the place, especially for women. We have so much love for these precious little humans, so much that we didn't even realize we could love someone that much. And, it continues for each child that we have. Just when we thought our love was already stretched with our spouse and our child, another child comes along and somehow we muscle up even more love then we thought our own bodies could handle. It's pretty amazing. But, now what? Unfortunately, our love isn't enough to keep them safe. We have to guide them in the right direction. As per my post right before this, I mentioned how little guidance we actually do.

    Leading our children doesn't have to be a difficult thing. We already love them. We can learn to guide them through love, patience, and compassion. 

    One thing I learned in this class is how important it is on how to talk to your child. How would you talk to your best friend? Your doctor's office? You mailman? Would you put them down and tell them they are doing it all wrong? No, you would talk with them politely. It is the same as for our children. This was something very hard for me to learn. My expectations were high for my children. But one thing I never did was teach them what they were supposed to know. For example, I remember getting angry with my family because they used one of my good kitchen towels to wipe up something off the floor. I was furious that they used a good towel! Why wouldn't they get a dirty towel and use that instead? Now, how would my family have known that without me telling them? They aren't mind readers. They don't know what my expectations are regarding kitchen towels. So, why was I so quick to shame them when I never told them what to do? I realized (too late) that I had done that with my kids often. No wonder they think they're not good enough. Oh, how I wish I could go back and do it all over again. I would show my love for them in so many different ways. 

   
I read an excerpt in this book titled "Between Parent and Child" by Haim G. Ginott so very valuable lessons I'd like to share with you. In this particular spot in the book it says, "It's possible to be caring and effective with children." If only I had known that while my children were young. The author gives us some applications on how to be effective and caring when parenting:

"The beginning of wisdom is listening."

    Listening to our children with empathy will help us understand their feelings. We can listen to their point of views, their concerns, what they are experiencing, etc. If we listen with an open heart we will open the line of communication between us and our child. This also means having an open heart when they are discussing things that aren't so great to hear.
    One time our family sat down and visited about open communication. We asked the kids to try and talk to us because we want to be able to help them. We had open hearts at the time. Of course, our kids did not fool around because we were then told that one was in a fender-bender, one broke up with their boyfriend, and the other had already had her first kiss. It was definitely a family talk we will never forget. J and I also expressed our appreciation for them talking to us. 

"Do no deny your child's perceptions, do not dispute his feelings, do not disown his wishes, do not deride his taste, do not denigrate his opinions, do not derogate his character, do not argue with his or her experience. Instead, acknowledge."   

    Acknowledging your child makes them feel validated. Their feelings matter. They feel respected and accepted. Acknowledging your child doesn't necessarily mean you agree with them, it does mean you value your child's opinion.  

"Instead of criticism, use guidance. State the problem and possible solution." 

    When noticing something, guide them instead of putting them down. "You're cold? Who's fault is that! You weren't being very smart, were you?" Maybe next time something like, "I asked you to bring your coat, let's try being a better listener so we can solve these problems together." And don't forget to praise her for when she does bring her coat when you ask. 

"When angry, describe what you see, what you feel, and what you expect, starting with the pronoun I: I'm angry, I'm annoyed, I'm furious, I'm indignant, I'm aghast."  

    Instead of attacking your child, express your feelings. Inform them of what is correct. Let them know what is right and what is wrong. If you are too angry to do so, send them to a time-out. If they are too old and has issues with going to their room, take a time out yourself!  Excuse yourself before you act out in anger. 

"In praising, when you want to tell your children what you appreciate about them or their effort, describe the specific acts. Do not evaluate character traits." 

    Try not to use adjectives like, You did a good job, but instead describe what they actually did and how it will help you. "Thank you for helping with the kitchen. It will be so nice to be able to make dinner without a dirty kitchen to work around." 

"Learn to say "no" in a less hurtful way by granting in fantasy what you can't grant in reality."

    Toddlers don't understand the difference between a want and a need. When they are asking for something they need, let them know that if you could, you would get it for them. Tell them why you can't get it for them so they understand that you are thinking of their feelings. 

"Give children a choice and a voice in matters that affect their lives." 

    Giving the children choices allows them to feel independent. "The more autonomy, the less enmity; the more self-dependence, the
less resentment of the parent." When allowing your child to make their own choice, you child will believe that they matter to you. They will know that you care about what them. (Ginott, 1965)

    I'm thankful of this knowledge I gained while reading this little excerpt. Even though my children are all adults, I can still use these applications to strengthen my relationship with them. I hope they know that I tried my hardest to not do what I had learned growing up. I hope they know that I did what I thought was the best at the time. I hope they know the hurt I have inside for the things that I have since realized were not the best way to raise a child. 

    "Parents have a sacred duty to rear their children in love and righteousness, to provide for their physical and spiritual needs, and to teach them to love and serve one another, observe the commandments of God, and be law-abiding citizens wherever they live." (The First Presidency and Council of the Twelve Apostles of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, 1995)

    I am thankful for being a mother. I am thankful for the opportunity Heavenly Father has given me to lead and guide them so they can live with Him again. I am thankful for my college courses for all the growth I have made learning so much.

Thank you for following me in my journey of learning, living, and loving what I do.

References

Ginott, H. G. (1965). Between Parent and Child. Three Rivers Press.

The First Presidency and Council of the Twelve Apostles of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. (1995, September 23). The Family: A Proclamation to the World. Salt Lake City, Utah, United States of America: The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints.

Validating Emotions

    Another thing we talked about in my course about parenting is emotions. I've been working the special education department for about seven years now. One thing we focus a lot on is how to express your emotions. Having them express it in an acceptable way is hard for them. Learning how to express your emotions is hard when you have learning disabilities, when you are young, and/or when you didn't have a great example of emotions in the first place. Little did I know, that validating your emotions is just as important as expressing them. 

   

    I've learned throughout my marriage that validating someone's feelings is really important for showing love and support. Allowing your children to talk about their feelings and know that it is safe to talk about is so good for your child's self-esteem. Being able to listen to their feelings doesn't allow them to be disrespectful though. Author William J. Doherty says when his child was talking disrespectful to him he immediately came back saying in a stern voice, "You don't get to ask me that questions, and particularly in that tone of voice." He made it very clear that they conversation was over and the child was done talking like that. 

    When teaching children how to be respectful, younger children are a bit easier than teenagers. When your three or four year old is demanding to get seconds on food, gently reminding him to ask nicely and say please is a simple reminder for them.

    Here are a few ideas on how you can still have expectations and be respected and still help your child learn how to express their feelings.     

    First, respect your child. Allow your children to express themselves in their own words. As long as they are talking respectfully, let them express. 

    Second, expect respect. Inform your children that respect is something that everyone should give to each other. Let them know disrespect is not allowed. Teach them to be polite and explain to them what rude means. 

    Third, explain your policy on respect to your children. Inform your children that respect is something that everyone should give to each other. Allow them to ask questions on examples of respect and what will not be accepted. 

    Fourth, listen for the respect/disrespect. Sometimes, the disrespect is there without them even realizing it. Make sure they understand that interrupting is not quite disrespectful but, "...raising your voice...lead(s) to attacking, intrusive, sarcastic, and mean words and tone..." which is a sign of disrespect. 

    Five, stop the disrespect right away. Once you hear it, let them know that what they said is disrespectful. 

    Six, use a special tone of voice when responding to disrespect. Let them know that they are pushing the line. 

    Seven, if the disrespect continues, use time-outs when children aren't cooperating after reminding them. Give them a warning that a time-out will be reinforced. If your child is older (teenager), just walk away instead of forcing a time-out. Ending the opportunity to continue the disrespect is key.

    Eight, always keep your cool, but be firm. Be assertive but calm, focused and clear. 

    Nine, continue your zero tolerance as long-term. Every time your child starts to be disrespectful, nip that in the bud before they make it a habit. It won't stop automatically but continue to cease any rudeness. 

    Ten, if the problems continue, maybe seeing a family therapist is in your future. Especially if you and your spouse can't agree on a parenting plan. (Doherty, 2013)

    

    Emotion coaching is something parents can do along with teachers. To me, emotion coaching is teaching your child/student that their emotions are real and validated. They have the right to feel the way they do. I'd like to give you an example of NOT growing up with someone who was able to do emotion coaching. In fact, it was someone who is very insecure in herself while trying to parent. Which is not the best start to mothering. 

    I must have been nine or ten, but I was crying in my bedroom. My sister came in my room and asked me why I was crying. I informed her it was because I thought mom hated me because of what I did. (I really don't even remember what it was about.) My sister then went to the bathroom where my mother was (which just happened to be right next to my room), and said to her, "She thinks you hate her now." My mom literally said, "Well, right now I do!" Again, I don't remember what caused this situation but, the saying itself was something that never left my mind. 

    I never want a child to feel like this. I believe that this is one of the reasons I want to become a teacher. I want them to know that if they don't have someone at home that cares for them, I do. I am there because I care! I have already told my students' this before. I want them to feel emotional stable someday. 

I'd like to close with a quote I read about kindness, it reminded me about what we are learning about in my parenting class,

Define Kindness: To many it means being "nice," "polite," or "respectful." While these are all admirable, real kindness goes much deeper. Kind people show genuine empathy and caring for people in need. Most important, they often give both their time and resources to help others. (Urban, 2022)

To read more about teaching and getting respect from your children, read here. 

References

Doherty, W. J. (2013). Take Back Your Kids: How to Teach and Get Respect. Retrieved from Catholic Education Resource Center: https://www.catholiceducation.org/en/marriage-and-family/parenting/take-back-your-kids-how-to-teach-and-get-respect.html

Urban, H. (2022). Hal's Good News Letter. Feeding Your Mind with What's Good for Your Heart. Retrieved from https://us7.campaign-archive.com/?u=0d13c16dd75df6532057762c4&id=3b8f0237b0

 

    

The Deepest Foundation - You

    I am so close to graduation I can almost feel it. The past few years have been amazing in growth learning all these things about childhood, parenting, marriage, families, education and growth mind frames. I'd like to share a few things that I have learned this semester regarding parenting. You see, I didn't have the greatest example growing up. As hard as I tried, there were some things that were ingrained in my mind that I never realized until after the fact. I will say, I had the power to stop the physical abuse. However, mentally I wasn't fully prepared. I learned that to be able to take care of a family you need to be able to take care of yourself first. I thought I was enough to become a mother, but there was so much more that I needed to learn, needed to live by, and needed to grow before I become a mother. 

Elder Marion G. Romney said, "Without self-reliance one cannot exercise these innate desires to serve. How can we give if there is nothing there? Food for the hungry cannot come from empty shelves. Money to assist the need cannot come from an empty purse. Support and understanding cannot come from the emotionally starved. Teaching cannot come from the unlearned. And most important of all, spiritual guidance cannot come from the spiritually weak." (Romney, 1982, emphasis added)

    We read an excerpt from the article titled, "The Parenting Pyramid" about the effectiveness of parenting and what we can do to help us be the best parent we can be. There is a foundation of the most deepest parenting skills we need. Each one is just as important as the one below it. However, if we can't succeed in the one below, then we shouldn't try for the one on top. Here is what I mean by that. 

    The very top of the pyramid has "correction." We believe that we are to correct our children so they learn how to make the right choices. However, according to the article, correction is the smallest part of parenting. (After reading through the article, I completely agree!) I mean, we are supposed to help correct them, but "the effectiveness of what we do here depends on our effectiveness in doing everything that lies below it." (The Arbinger Company, 1998) 

    The key to effective correction is effective teaching. Being able to teach our children right from wrong is something everyone should want to do for their children. But, did you know there is a right way and a wrong way to teach this? Let me tell you, from experience (on both sides), there is! I'm sure many parents try their best to do it the right way. I know I did it wrong even though I tried not to. This is one thing that was ingrained in my head that I never realized how it was coming across. My heart aches for my children, knowing this was how I taught them. It's hard to think about this sometimes because of the hurt I know I caused them, even to this day. 

    So, what can we do to becoming an effective teacher? We can have a good parent-to-child relationship. Wait, I thought I did have a good relationship with my children. I thought I was the loving type, enough for my kids to know that I love and care about them. Apparently I didn't. I mean, I tried, I really truly tried! But again, that ingrained thing just kept happening without me even realizing it.

    If we want to have an effective parent-to-child relationship we must first have a good husband/wife relationship. Many marriages are not perfect. Even when they seem perfect, you never know what goes on behind doors. My marriage isn't perfect. But, we know our differences. We have been working together for years to fix our mistakes and become a team in our journey. Of course, our kids are practically all grown up (only one lives at home now, as a senior in high school but already an adult by legal age) but we are still working on our relationship. I do know that if you are not on the same page with your spouse, you won't necessarily have the relationship you would like with your child. You might have a great relationship with them, but what about your partner? Don't you think it's beneficial for your child to have a good relationship with both of you? 

    The very bottom of our pyramid consists of something that can help each and every one of the steps above. "The key to a good husband/wife relationship is our personal way of being. Indeed, this quality affects every other aspect of the pyramid; that is why it is the deepest foundation (The Arbinger Company, 1998)." This is a very big reason as to why my whole pyramid would fall. No matter how hard I tried to better my relationship with my husband, my kids, and my friends (I know that's not part of the topic but I'm adding it because it's just as important), it would never be great because of the way I feel about myself. I realized that I would put on a smile and show everyone what I thought they wanted from me. I did what was best for everyone else (or so I thought). I never once stepped back and thought about what was best for me. 

    Why? Why didn't I take care of myself? Why don't I still? This is something that has been very hard for me to accept. I am still looking to find answers as to why it is so difficult to love myself. I feel like I know why, I have many reasons, but I need to figure out how to CHANGE these feelings. What can I do to start loving myself again? Why do I need others to show me love before I can love myself? This is something that I will work on for the rest of my life. I am far from where I would like to be but, I know where to go when I am in need of help. Just recently I was talking with my sister about our emotions. There have been many of times where we have cried, trying to figure out ourselves, thinking that no one knows what we are going through. (Both her and I learned recently that we did this and both thought that we were the only ones doing this.) However, one thing my sister said that rang true in my heart, "There is always one person who knows how I am feeling. He knows our feelings. He felt it himself" …and every other pain we will ever feel. 

    I know that Jesus Christ died for my sins. I know that He has felt everything I have ever felt, even loneliness. Why is it so hard for me to go to Him when I am struggling. In my mind, it is, again, because I have a hard time loving myself, how could anyone else do it? Don't get me wrong, I know that I am loved, that's not the thing. I know my Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ love me. One day, I will figure out why it is so hard to love and be loved, but for now, I am just working on being ok with me. 

To read more about The Parenting Pyramid click here. 

References

Romney, M. G. (1982). The Celestial Nature of Self-Reliance. The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. Salt Lake City: The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.

The Arbinger Company. (1998). The Parenting Pyramid. The Arbinger Company.