Saturday, June 3, 2017

Heavy Heart

My heart is heavy. Life has been complicated. I am sure there will be more events that take place that will strengthen our family but I hope none like this again.

Now is the time where graduation is coming up and summer vacation begins. It is supposed to be a happy time. Unfortunately, there's mainly stress at my house, and hurt, frustration, anger, sadness and anything else I can't think of at the moment.

My son is a strong human being. He has been the family's rock through it all. Even when it has been the worst for him. When we finally got the phone call from him, his response to a barrage of questions was, "I'm good!" Literally, like he was doing just fine. Never mind where he was calling from. That kid is my idol. I wish I could have that much confidence at such a trying time. His next two sentences calmed my aching heart and mind. And also filled me with pride, so much that I knew I had done something right as his mother. He said, "I've prayed a lot and I know everything is going to be OK. The truth will come out." What a rock he is. I'm so thankful for the faith that he has.

My daughters struggle so much with this. How can I be there for them and be strong for them when I am aching inside just as they are? How can I be there for my oldest daughter when she has to walk the school hallways knowing she could see this person who has caused our family so much pain? I know it's been hard for her and my admiration for her has grown so much because of what she has to deal with everyday. I can't even imagine what it would be like to see this person daily.

My youngest daughter has such a caring heart, it's hard for her to see how anyone can hurt someone like this at all. How her heart aches everyday hurts me even more. I can see it in her eyes. The love she has for her brother is amazing. She is our family angel. She reminds us to be loving and caring when we are all down. She is so strong for only being 12, going through this difficult time.

My better half. What can I say? He is amazing. He is strong, loving, caring and supportive at this time of need. I can't even remember if I've seen him cry out loud because of the pain in our hearts. He's cried of joy when we first talked to our son. He cried of joy when we picked him up that awful Monday night. Yet, he's never cried of sorrow, or pain, or hurt like all the other females in the house. He has been our solid while we became the river of tears. How he stays strong through it all, I have no idea. I just know I love him and I'm thankful Heavenly Father sent him to earth to care for me. He is my better half, except more. He does so much for our family, and me.

I wouldn't be able to write anything if I couldn't write about her. The one that has caused our family so much heartache. My heart is torn. You brought out the mama bear in me when you hurt my son. You took my Mother's Day away from me. You took Prom away from my son, the only school dance he's ever wanted to go to! You might even take graduation away from him. But when I think about you, I feel empty and sad inside. I want to run to you and hug you. I want to take all the hurt and pain away from you, that makes you need to lie. I remember being that teenage girl. Feeling like I need to lie to get any attention to me. I yearned for attention that I would make up lies so people would think of me. Whether they felt sorry for me or proud of me, it didn't matter. They were finally looking at me. You remind me so much of me. I wish I could hold you and be that shoulder to cry on and let you know that lying doesn't do anything for you, except make you feel worse. Be the strong person that you are and tell the truth. Even if it's not what other's want to hear. You will be the better person for telling the truth. I've learned that the hard way too. Lying never got me anywhere. Because in the long run, it only hurt myself. You deserve more than that. You deserve to live a happy life, just as my son does.


But thanks to you, now both of you are scarred for life.

To the mother of this person. I get it. I would be doing the same thing you are if my daughter told me what your daughter said. Not once would I even think about her lying to me. My heart aches for you as well. Why wouldn't you be doing what you are doing. You too are a mama bear trying to protect your child. I get it. Parenting is not easy. We want what's best for our children. We want to give them the benefit of the doubt. Like I said, I get it. I would feel the same way you do. Like someone violated my daughter. But can you truly believe my son did this? You know him. You said so yourself, you would fight for him, not against him, if we ever went to court. You know the type of person he is. You know deep down that he is incapable of this preposterous action. Could you maybe take a step back and think that maybe your daughter could be lying? It's hard for me to believe too, but I was a teenager before too. I imagine you too, can remember what's its like being a teen. Is there a chance she could be lying?

I'm not sure what will happen now. I'm not sure if you will keep your daughter at the school. We're not sure if we will keep our girls at the school. We both are fed up with the way the school is taking it. You said it shouldn't have happened like this. We completely agree. You said they told you he could go back to school. They told us he won't be able to walk with his class. What do we do now? Your daughter is uncomfortable at school. Our daughter is uncomfortable at school. Our favorite teacher is now suspended. Is there anything we can do? What's said is said and what's done is done. There's no way to change it. Or is there? One thing could be said that would change it all. Maybe not back to the way it was, but to a better future for those that were hurt. "Let me tell you truth." That's all that needs to be said. The truth. Can you ask your daughter that? Will she have the courage to stand up for herself and tell the truth? Admit that it was all a lie so the teacher could go back to school, so my son could graduate with his class, so people at school don't feel uncomfortable around our families?

The ball is in your court. We've done all that we could. Just like my son said, we too have prayed and will continue to pray for you and your daughter; that the truth will come out and he shall be free.

Like I said, this is supposed to be a happy time. When graduation comes along and we are excited to see what is in the future for our amazing talented son. But just like Mother's Day, Prom, School and even the drama club, you've ruined that for us too.


2 comments:

  1. My heart is so sad for whatever tragedy your famity is facing right now,Nini. Your plea for honesty is so articulate so well said. I will keep you in my prayers, that truth will be revealed so that people's lives can move forward, so DJ and you all aren't robbed of his graduation ceremony. Your understanding and compassion for the "other side" is a beautiful testimony of the love of Christ and your strength. Just as DJ said the truth will come out. And Nini, you show great strength and love. What a beautiful example!! It's ok to cry and feel overwhelmed, it doesn't make you less strong. So proud of you and your wonderful family!!! Sue white

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